Waiting on God

So I've realized that the biggest misconception that I had about marriage was that I would no longer be waiting on God. I'm not really sure why I thought that, but I thought that the biggest waiting game was waiting to find your spouse. And I thought that once that was over, everything would just fall into place.

I've come to realize that's not true, and I think I will be spending my entire life waiting on God. Waiting to find out when Jordan will get a job that doesn't pay hourly and doesn't leave him feeling useless and like he's wasting his life at the end of the day. Waiting to find out when we'll be able to have kids, which I think is a foolish thing to do when we're just keeping our financial heads above water providing for the two of us. Waiting for when we'll find our place in this world. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Something Americans are simply not good at. Its no wonder that abstinence education fails when even adults can't bother to wait for things - and must buy that new car/house/boat/clothes/whatever NOW on credit, and then lose everything. The country is in a financial mess because newly weds are living at the same standards and in the same houses and with the same possessions NOW that their parents worked 25 years to get, all on credit. We, as Americans (and probably as human beings) can be bothered to wait for what we think we should have now. We're like spoiled children. And I am no better than the people around me. Sure, I don't have all that stuff that society says we need, and I don't have massive credit card debt that I took out to get it. But I'm tired and whiny about having to wait on a good job to come through for Jordan. I want it NOW. And I'm tired of having to wait to have kids (though I only decided that I'm ready to have kids in the past couple of weeks). I want to start NOW. I look at the people around me and in my family, and I want what they have NOW.

Well, news flash. I am not my neighbors. I am not my sister-in-law. I am Jodi. Ingram. And I will have to wait on God. Because when he is ready to bless us with these things will be the very moment that I am actually truly ready. I could take matters into my own hands and TAKE those things, but that has definitely NOT worked out in the past and has left me with scars that I don't think will ever truly heal and go away. I do not want to repeat that time of my life, especially now. And yet, the red-headed stepchild in me is screaming NOW NOW NOW.

It sucks. But that's the way life is. Life is one big waiting game, and I don't want to join the people trying to cut in line. We really are blessed exactly where we are. We have made a budget and are sticking to it - we're finally living below our very meager means. We're beginning to dig out of the student loan that I foolishly took out when I wanted my masters (NOW) and didn't stop to consider the financial repercussions. And I need to learn to be patient and wait. Our time will come. Trying to make it come faster will only make where we are right now harder. We, as Americans, need to stop looking at what other people have and enjoy what we already own.

Doesn't make it easier though.